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The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

The Recovery Show

32
Followers
371
Plays
The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

The Recovery Show

32
Followers
371
Plays
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About Us

12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using.

Latest Episodes

Married to an Alcoholic Minister – Barbara K – 340

What is it like being married to an alcoholic minister who is beloved of his congregation? How might it cause you to behave in crazy ways? Today I am sharing with you a talk by Barbara K, recorded in 1993. I listened to this recently and I thought she captured so well the ways in which WE, the partners of alcoholics, can be and act crazier than our alcoholic loved ones. Readings and Links A listener sent some information about recovery programs that are not based on the 12 steps. She listed these: * SmartRecovery.org* CelebrateRecovery.com* RecoveryDharma.org* RefugeRecovery.org* SoberGrid.com Our guest, Josh, on episode 324, Recovery Dharma, talked about that program and Refuge Recovery. Upcoming topics A topic we're considering is an exploration of the idea “if I'm not the problem, there is no solution.” How does this speak to you? It's sort of a counterpoint to our recent episode “It's not your fault.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or emailfeedback@therecovery.showwith your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Sheryl Crow – Every Day Is a Winding Road James Taylor & Carole King –You've Got A Friend Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris – Why Worry

96 min12 h ago
Comments
Married to an Alcoholic Minister – Barbara K – 340

It’s Not Your Fault –339

Do you feel that IT is your fault? How can recovery help you understand what is really your responsibility and what is absolutely not? Spencer and Eric discuss these questions along with shares from many of you. This topic was inspired by the scene “it's not your fault” from the movie Good Will Hunting. A clip of this scene from YouTube is shown below. * Definitions of fault and blame?* Blame:* v. Assign responsibility for a fault or wrong.* Blame is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blame)* Fault:* responsibility for an accident or misfortune.* a misguided or dangerous action or habit* v. criticize for inadequacy or mistakes* At fault:* responsible for an undesirable situation or event; in the wrong.* When and how have you felt that “it” is your fault?* How did you respond/react to this (guilt...

103 min2 w ago
Comments
It’s Not Your Fault –339

Wisdom to Know the Difference – 338

The serenity prayer asks for the wisdom to know the difference. What does this mean? And how does it happen? Ester joined me for a conversation about these questions. We thought we might structure our conversation by starting with the idea of “Knowing when I don’t know.” Then how “wisdom to know the difference” in the serenity prayer is helpful to recovery. And finally, how we might use “wisdom to know the difference” can apply very broadly to recovery in ways that aren't maybe immediately obvious in the serenity prayer (with Courage to Change October 10, if we need a guiding reading). Often, I need to pray for the wisdom to know the difference between a bunch of dualisms that sometimes appear to be the same, such as these: assertiveness and arrogance When does assertiveness—standing my ground on principles and values that matter to me—cross the line into arrogance? Almost always when I am fearful or insecure, particularly of my powerlessness. And arrogance is me trying to ...

99 minAUG 21
Comments
Wisdom to Know the Difference – 338

Activism and Recovery with Amanda and Becky – 337

How can recovery, the serenity prayer, and the traditions of Al Anon guide me in working for societal change? When should I “let go and let God” and when should I work to “change the things I can”? Spencer, Amanda, and Becky have a wide-ranging discussion around these questions and others. We were joined virtually with voice shares from Mark and Lynne. Our discussion was guided but not limited by the outline below. * Note about Tradition 10 The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy.We do not represent any 12 step program. We aim to use the Al Anon principles in all our affairs. As individuals, we can use what we’ve learned in Al Anon as tools to help us navigate our own civic engagement and activism.* LIstening is a skill.* Avoid “defensive listening”* Finding common ground* Practice “Recovered listening”* What is my motivation for what I’m about to say?* One of the primary messages of Al-Anon i...

111 minAUG 3
Comments
Activism and Recovery with Amanda and Becky – 337

Irritable and Unreasonable – 336

Do you find yourself becoming irritable and unreasonable. Maybe without knowing it? How does your program of recovery help you out of that? Eric, Spencer, and several of you share our experience, strength, and hope around these questions and many others. The suggested Al-Anon/Alateen opening says Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions, and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it.How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 2 * We often start with definitions* Irritability is the excitatory ability that living organisms have to respond to changes in their environment. (Wikipedia)* What's that mean? Let's try, “It is commonly defined as the tendency to react to stimuli with the experience of negative … states (especially anger) and temper outbursts.”* Unreasonable: “not defined by or based on good sense”* We spent a little time walking through an article “7 Quick Ways to Stop Being Irritable” from Psychology Today. * Figure out the source – what is really go...

82 minJUL 14
Comments
Irritable and Unreasonable – 336

The Impact of Isolation — 335

Humans are “obligatorily gregarious”. We need other people. When we don't have the connections we need, we suffer. We suffer emotionally with depression, anxiety, and hyper-vigilance. But we can also suffer physically with symptoms like high blood pressure and heart disease. In these days, we are all isolated. Some more, some less. Our usual ways of connecting are not available to us. Meetings are not face-to-face, but screen-to-screen. When I'm on a “Zoom call”, I can't look you in the eyes when I'm talking to you. When I'm looking at you on the screen, you see me looking down or to the side. When I am looking the camera, I can't see you. Our connection is not complete. Luckily, there are some things we can do to reduce the impact of this isolation. That can help to make us feel more connected. First, breathe. Breathe consciously. Inhale, then take a little more time to exhale. Breathe through your nose (yes, really!) Right now. Breathe in. Pause. Breathe out slowly. Do it agai...

16 minJUL 3
Comments
The Impact of Isolation — 335

Many Voices – 334

Once again, we hear your voices. Topics range through Meetings as Medicine, Step 7, patience and tolerance, loss, and the length of shares. Readings and Links A listener wrote about using Discord for recovery meetings. Eric sent us a link to an Insight Timer meditation about patience. I talked about the reading from Hope For Today, June 6. Upcoming topics Upcoming topics may include grief, and how do we use our recovery tools in working for social change? Can you reconcile “accepting the things you cannot change” with “changing the things you cannot accept”? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or emailfeedback@therecovery.showwith your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Best Coast – Everything has Changed Caroline Spence – The Middle

87 minJUN 19
Comments
Many Voices – 334

Patience and Tolerance – 333

Are you finding it difficult to be patient? How are you tolerant of a world that isn’t going the way you want it to go? * Definitions* Tolerance is a personality trait. It reflects an attitude of open-mindedness, an acceptance of the behavior, beliefs and values of other. It is a term that is associated with psychological resilience which arises from the ability to tolerate stress of various forms without negative consequences.* Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.* Eric's acronym PISO: pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. (He used to write it on his hand.) Patience and tolerance may be an antidote for suffering.* As usual, we spend some time sharing how the negatives appear in our lives: impatience, intolerance, lack of restraint, and an “imaginary sense of hurry”.* Eric's HP has a sense of humor, giving him impatiens flowers for his window box, when he needed to be reminded about patience.* How do we c...

66 minJUN 7
Comments
Patience and Tolerance – 333

Steps 1, 2 and 3 – 332

Spencer was a guest on the Sober Speak podcast, with a conversation about Steps 1, 2, and 3 in Al-Anon. Sober Speak has mostly an AA focus, but the host, John M does sometimes invite members of Al-Anon to share their experience, strength, and hope. We talked about how I suddenly felt my powerlessness one day, and how that brought me to this program of recovery. And then, the long journey to actually accepting that I am powerless over my loved one's alcoholism. I resisted the notion of God as I understood God from my childhood, but was able to accept that there was some power greater than myself that was working in my life, because I was starting to feel better as I worked the Al-Anon program. My sponsor encouraged me to “act as if” I had made a decision to turn my life over to the care of this (unknown) higher power. This got easier as I started to listen to the wisdom I was surrounded with. Eventually, I came to understand that I did not need to have a “picture” of my higher po...

75 minMAY 28
Comments
Steps 1, 2 and 3 – 332

Choosing Love Over Fear One Day at a Time – Julie L – 331

Julie joins us to tell her story. She grew up with an alcoholic father and an “untreated Al-Anon” mother. As a child, from the age of 10, she thought it was her job to mediate between her parents, and especially to try to help “settle” the arguments they had. Now, she recognizes that it never worked, but she kept on trying, anyway. In her relationships, her thinking was something like “if I make sure they are ok, then they will know that I love them, and they will love me, and everything will be ok.” This, also, didn't always work. She was looking for something to fill a “hole” inside her, and when people didn't do the job, she started “medicating” with food. One day, she told herself, “Julie, you have a choice. You are killing yourself slowly. If you are not OK with continuing on this path, you have to do something.” She decided she wanted to live. So she found a therapist. This was her first example of her higher power doing for her what she couldn't do for herself. Af...

99 minMAY 15
Comments
Choosing Love Over Fear One Day at a Time – Julie L – 331

Latest Episodes

Married to an Alcoholic Minister – Barbara K – 340

What is it like being married to an alcoholic minister who is beloved of his congregation? How might it cause you to behave in crazy ways? Today I am sharing with you a talk by Barbara K, recorded in 1993. I listened to this recently and I thought she captured so well the ways in which WE, the partners of alcoholics, can be and act crazier than our alcoholic loved ones. Readings and Links A listener sent some information about recovery programs that are not based on the 12 steps. She listed these: * SmartRecovery.org* CelebrateRecovery.com* RecoveryDharma.org* RefugeRecovery.org* SoberGrid.com Our guest, Josh, on episode 324, Recovery Dharma, talked about that program and Refuge Recovery. Upcoming topics A topic we're considering is an exploration of the idea “if I'm not the problem, there is no solution.” How does this speak to you? It's sort of a counterpoint to our recent episode “It's not your fault.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or emailfeedback@therecovery.showwith your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Sheryl Crow – Every Day Is a Winding Road James Taylor & Carole King –You've Got A Friend Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris – Why Worry

96 min12 h ago
Comments
Married to an Alcoholic Minister – Barbara K – 340

It’s Not Your Fault –339

Do you feel that IT is your fault? How can recovery help you understand what is really your responsibility and what is absolutely not? Spencer and Eric discuss these questions along with shares from many of you. This topic was inspired by the scene “it's not your fault” from the movie Good Will Hunting. A clip of this scene from YouTube is shown below. * Definitions of fault and blame?* Blame:* v. Assign responsibility for a fault or wrong.* Blame is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blame)* Fault:* responsibility for an accident or misfortune.* a misguided or dangerous action or habit* v. criticize for inadequacy or mistakes* At fault:* responsible for an undesirable situation or event; in the wrong.* When and how have you felt that “it” is your fault?* How did you respond/react to this (guilt...

103 min2 w ago
Comments
It’s Not Your Fault –339

Wisdom to Know the Difference – 338

The serenity prayer asks for the wisdom to know the difference. What does this mean? And how does it happen? Ester joined me for a conversation about these questions. We thought we might structure our conversation by starting with the idea of “Knowing when I don’t know.” Then how “wisdom to know the difference” in the serenity prayer is helpful to recovery. And finally, how we might use “wisdom to know the difference” can apply very broadly to recovery in ways that aren't maybe immediately obvious in the serenity prayer (with Courage to Change October 10, if we need a guiding reading). Often, I need to pray for the wisdom to know the difference between a bunch of dualisms that sometimes appear to be the same, such as these: assertiveness and arrogance When does assertiveness—standing my ground on principles and values that matter to me—cross the line into arrogance? Almost always when I am fearful or insecure, particularly of my powerlessness. And arrogance is me trying to ...

99 minAUG 21
Comments
Wisdom to Know the Difference – 338

Activism and Recovery with Amanda and Becky – 337

How can recovery, the serenity prayer, and the traditions of Al Anon guide me in working for societal change? When should I “let go and let God” and when should I work to “change the things I can”? Spencer, Amanda, and Becky have a wide-ranging discussion around these questions and others. We were joined virtually with voice shares from Mark and Lynne. Our discussion was guided but not limited by the outline below. * Note about Tradition 10 The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy.We do not represent any 12 step program. We aim to use the Al Anon principles in all our affairs. As individuals, we can use what we’ve learned in Al Anon as tools to help us navigate our own civic engagement and activism.* LIstening is a skill.* Avoid “defensive listening”* Finding common ground* Practice “Recovered listening”* What is my motivation for what I’m about to say?* One of the primary messages of Al-Anon i...

111 minAUG 3
Comments
Activism and Recovery with Amanda and Becky – 337

Irritable and Unreasonable – 336

Do you find yourself becoming irritable and unreasonable. Maybe without knowing it? How does your program of recovery help you out of that? Eric, Spencer, and several of you share our experience, strength, and hope around these questions and many others. The suggested Al-Anon/Alateen opening says Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions, and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it.How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 2 * We often start with definitions* Irritability is the excitatory ability that living organisms have to respond to changes in their environment. (Wikipedia)* What's that mean? Let's try, “It is commonly defined as the tendency to react to stimuli with the experience of negative … states (especially anger) and temper outbursts.”* Unreasonable: “not defined by or based on good sense”* We spent a little time walking through an article “7 Quick Ways to Stop Being Irritable” from Psychology Today. * Figure out the source – what is really go...

82 minJUL 14
Comments
Irritable and Unreasonable – 336

The Impact of Isolation — 335

Humans are “obligatorily gregarious”. We need other people. When we don't have the connections we need, we suffer. We suffer emotionally with depression, anxiety, and hyper-vigilance. But we can also suffer physically with symptoms like high blood pressure and heart disease. In these days, we are all isolated. Some more, some less. Our usual ways of connecting are not available to us. Meetings are not face-to-face, but screen-to-screen. When I'm on a “Zoom call”, I can't look you in the eyes when I'm talking to you. When I'm looking at you on the screen, you see me looking down or to the side. When I am looking the camera, I can't see you. Our connection is not complete. Luckily, there are some things we can do to reduce the impact of this isolation. That can help to make us feel more connected. First, breathe. Breathe consciously. Inhale, then take a little more time to exhale. Breathe through your nose (yes, really!) Right now. Breathe in. Pause. Breathe out slowly. Do it agai...

16 minJUL 3
Comments
The Impact of Isolation — 335

Many Voices – 334

Once again, we hear your voices. Topics range through Meetings as Medicine, Step 7, patience and tolerance, loss, and the length of shares. Readings and Links A listener wrote about using Discord for recovery meetings. Eric sent us a link to an Insight Timer meditation about patience. I talked about the reading from Hope For Today, June 6. Upcoming topics Upcoming topics may include grief, and how do we use our recovery tools in working for social change? Can you reconcile “accepting the things you cannot change” with “changing the things you cannot accept”? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or emailfeedback@therecovery.showwith your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Best Coast – Everything has Changed Caroline Spence – The Middle

87 minJUN 19
Comments
Many Voices – 334

Patience and Tolerance – 333

Are you finding it difficult to be patient? How are you tolerant of a world that isn’t going the way you want it to go? * Definitions* Tolerance is a personality trait. It reflects an attitude of open-mindedness, an acceptance of the behavior, beliefs and values of other. It is a term that is associated with psychological resilience which arises from the ability to tolerate stress of various forms without negative consequences.* Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.* Eric's acronym PISO: pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. (He used to write it on his hand.) Patience and tolerance may be an antidote for suffering.* As usual, we spend some time sharing how the negatives appear in our lives: impatience, intolerance, lack of restraint, and an “imaginary sense of hurry”.* Eric's HP has a sense of humor, giving him impatiens flowers for his window box, when he needed to be reminded about patience.* How do we c...

66 minJUN 7
Comments
Patience and Tolerance – 333

Steps 1, 2 and 3 – 332

Spencer was a guest on the Sober Speak podcast, with a conversation about Steps 1, 2, and 3 in Al-Anon. Sober Speak has mostly an AA focus, but the host, John M does sometimes invite members of Al-Anon to share their experience, strength, and hope. We talked about how I suddenly felt my powerlessness one day, and how that brought me to this program of recovery. And then, the long journey to actually accepting that I am powerless over my loved one's alcoholism. I resisted the notion of God as I understood God from my childhood, but was able to accept that there was some power greater than myself that was working in my life, because I was starting to feel better as I worked the Al-Anon program. My sponsor encouraged me to “act as if” I had made a decision to turn my life over to the care of this (unknown) higher power. This got easier as I started to listen to the wisdom I was surrounded with. Eventually, I came to understand that I did not need to have a “picture” of my higher po...

75 minMAY 28
Comments
Steps 1, 2 and 3 – 332

Choosing Love Over Fear One Day at a Time – Julie L – 331

Julie joins us to tell her story. She grew up with an alcoholic father and an “untreated Al-Anon” mother. As a child, from the age of 10, she thought it was her job to mediate between her parents, and especially to try to help “settle” the arguments they had. Now, she recognizes that it never worked, but she kept on trying, anyway. In her relationships, her thinking was something like “if I make sure they are ok, then they will know that I love them, and they will love me, and everything will be ok.” This, also, didn't always work. She was looking for something to fill a “hole” inside her, and when people didn't do the job, she started “medicating” with food. One day, she told herself, “Julie, you have a choice. You are killing yourself slowly. If you are not OK with continuing on this path, you have to do something.” She decided she wanted to live. So she found a therapist. This was her first example of her higher power doing for her what she couldn't do for herself. Af...

99 minMAY 15
Comments
Choosing Love Over Fear One Day at a Time – Julie L – 331
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